Telly’s Saturday Night Fever

Yeah, OK – so I missed the deadline yesterday, but things were gettin’ rather tense ’round here as we’re nearly ready to do the official launch of A Freebooter’s Fantasy Almanac, which is happenin’ next Saturday as Siân goes off on her first blog tour!
Anyhoo… I got muscled into helpin’ out with some of the blog posts until late yesterday, which is why I didn’t get here in time. Today’s been kind of hectic too, so in the circs I’m goofing off a little and using something that didn’t make it into the blog posts, but has some pretty good things in it! 😉

So here, for your delectation is a little skit me an’ Jano did for a karaoke party for our friend Miah in Minas Tirith one time, when Jano was doin’ an impersonation of Janus Droplin and I was Telvis Parsley… enjoy!


“Go on big guy – I dare you!”

“No! I dare you, Dippy!”
Things were getting rather silly at the bar and Telly knew that he shouldn’t have let Jano egg him on so much chasing the tail of the cockerel. Luckily he had a strong head and even the most foo of drinks had little effect on him, but this Telvis persona was still pricking him and he suddenly had a devilish urge to sing one of the most foo-lish songs in Middle Earth and he’d asked Jano if she thought it was a good idea. She also had a head for foo drinking, but she’d had more than him and anyway the line she walked in the dark foo was always more art than science, and so of course she had thought it was a brilliant idea – except really it was a duet… And then they’d got a little carried away and changed the words around a bit again, and then when he’d tried to calm it down a little she’d started the dare game…
“Right then lollipop man – only one way to settle this! Head or tails?”
“Heads we do the usual version!”
” ‘kay…Whoops!” she started to giggle for the coin landed on its edge, “Well that’s a first for me Telvis ole chap – guess we’ll have to do neither version… Let’s just wing it then huh? Awww c’mon Tel you can do it – you know you can you, clever ole thing, you!”
How had she talked him into this? He’d told the band they wanted the tune of Cinderella Rockerfella and they’d rolled their eyes and then he’d seen the impish expression on her face and just knew she’d be on his back the whole way, so there was nothing for it – he’d have to go on the offensive straight off! The intro was almost non-existent, but he was up for it now and he threw a huge grin out at the audience and went for the jugular…

You’re no lady, not the lady that I love!
I’m too shady – far too shady, fool!
You’re no lady, not the lady that I love!
Miah’s the lady, your lady cool!
You’re no little lady
She’s your bay-bee lady

Miah’s soft touch
Tel! You’re too much!
Drown in her eyes

I’m off! Bye-bye!
I love her chin
Makes my head spin!
I love her… chinny chin chin

He’s a bonehead – he’s a bonehead who irks me
I’m a bonehead? I’m a bonehead?
He’s the slaphead – just a slaphead who bugs me
I’m a slaphead?! I’m a slaphead?!
Better beat it butthead!
Get you little airhead

I loathe your guts!
Fwaugh! I think you’re nuts!

Man you’re soooo droll!
You’re a doll troll!

Go get some foo!
Find your own foo – fiddle-dee-foo!

Miah’s the lady, Miah’s the lady that I love
 Poor lil’ Miah! Telly loves you!
Fiddle-dee-foo – he’s just so fiddle-dee-foo

You’re toast Jano! You are so toast!
You’re a sad foo-fighter!
You’re a mad foo-fighter!


You’re so foo!
You’re so foo!
You’re so foo!
You’re so foo!
We do foo!

“Thank you verruh much folks! Oooo – that Telvis is the man alright!” She couldn’t stop laughing now as Telly literally dragged her off the stage.

(With apologies to Esther and Abi Ofarim) – and here’s a YouTube link if you can’t remember how the real song went! 😉


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